It's a bit like sex, really

Yes, I am very aware of the fact that my exams have ended over a week ago and yes, I do know that I've promised some of you lot that I would update once I had the darned things over and done with, but I do have a very good reason for not blogging as soon as promised. You see, I was completely obsessed with something. It was a hopeless addiction, this. No, I'm not talking about sex because I'm still very much a virgin. If, however, you're a very hot female of the species chestus maximus, you're very much welcome to change that. What I'm talking about here is a computer game, a game that I'm so addicted to that I can be at it for up to seven hours in a row, right into the wee hours of the morning when the cats start shagging (they make these really annoying mewing noises when they do that, see). I'm virtually at it any time I'm awake, other than the times I'm out with my mates or at dodge ball practice.

This electronic addiction is so strong that I haven't even touched my beloved basses since my exams were over. Now I'll have you know that fingering my basses gives me great satisfaction, a musical and aural pleasure that cannot be achieved with any computer game currently in existence, and sometimes I even get high when I'm sitting in my room with my Fender Strat, so high that I can sit there thinking 'awww I'm just going to be another five minutes' but when I'm done playing, an hour has mysteriously disappeared. I know that this makes no sense to you, dear reader, because you're probably thinking 'If you get so much pleasure out of fingering a piece of metal, why not do it all day instead of having your face glued to a computer screen?'

I shall now make you see sense, for it is like comparing smoking with sex. Anyone with a bit of nous will know that sex gives a person possibly a hundred times more pleasure than a cigarette ever will. The thing is, though, a smoker can't go for a couple of hours without having a fag, while even a playboy will be able to survive for a few days if he can't get a shag. This is simply because smoking an addiction, the smoker starts getting sweaty and jiggly if he can't get those nasty little black bits of chemicals into his lungs. So it is the same with me: Company of Heroes (that's the game I'm talking about btw) is analogous to smoking, and my bass is analogous to sex. Show me a guy capable of shagging for seven hours without stopping and I'll show you a Chinaman with a twelve inch wang.

I shall have to take your leave now because I'm in dire need of my electronic fix. A word of caution first, however: if any of you lads are aspiring musicians or in fact have talents of the non-academic, non-electronic sort that you want to persue in desperate hope of using said talent as an alternative to sitting in an office cubicle, please, for the love of Jimi Hendrix's afro, don't start playing computer games, at least not if you have addiction issues similiar to mine. Now I will tell you that the one thing I made clear to myself before I got hooked was that irrelevant of the circumstances, my social life shall always get first dibs over my gaming life, and it is this that has saved me from becoming a complete spannar. No, really, I am that addicted to this pile of pixels. Goodnight and very wet dreams I bid you lot.